Thank you guys so much I'm glad I read this now I know its true once tou go sissy its hard to give up and to never purge BC ill be changing my mind back. I also learned that sissy clothes are all about the proper fit
I did that this summer. I thought it was time to 'man up' and try the dating scene again. So I got rid of everything except one pair of shorts to work out in.
It went well. I went on a few dates. But I noticed was I was working out way more than usual so I could see my legs in my shorts every chance I got. Needless to say, by fall I was back shopping and building my wardrobe back up again.
It wasn't a terrible idea though. When I was starting my collection again, I already had an idea of what to do and what not to do. This time I spent more time getting the right sizes and fits. Now I love my clothes more than ever and only wear my boy clothes to work and around family.
There's a case for purging. If not only to update your wardrobe. I hope you didn't dump any toys?
Haven't we all at some point? During that phase of working out who you are where on the spectrum do you fit? I know I did. I went for a long time without dressing exactly through my early twenties though being a fan of heavy metal meant I could keep my long hair wear makeup now and again and buy paisley silk blouses to wear with my studded belts lol I think purging happens until we realise this is who we are and can't change it and start working out how to fit it in to our lives or how far we really want to go.
Isn't that the truth.
The clothes could use an update but the toys are an investment.
Did you swear to yourself you'd never do it again?
Everyone purges a bit. Clothes need updating from time to time whether they are your boy or girl clothes. Everyone on the planet who wears clothes does that. I mean I take my old drab (boy) clothes to the charity shop when I get tired of them. My girl clothing collection is still quite small mainly due to living in a small space with another and lack of room lol. It could all get quite out of control very quickly if i become a total clothes horse ! :)
Yeap. Purged more than once. Last one happened the begining of last year. Pitched everything. Makeup, accessories, clothes, toys, files, pictures... anything and everything that was remotely related to my girl side. Once again building up a collection. It's not always a cheap process, thats for sure. For me, I had clothes that fit well and I spent a lot of time and meticulously picking out my collection of accessories and all of that stuff so that it would either be easy to hide or something I could pass off as usable for my guy side. It wasn't like I had specific store or website that I went to and can get all the stuff either. It was either stuff I had randomly and accidentally stumbled upon in a store that I bought singularly over a period of time or random stuff on amazon that I doubt I'll find the same one again. I don't mind the fact that it's all gone too teriibly much... it's more that I spent ALLL that amount of time slowly building up a collection and now I've lost all that time by getting rid of it all. This time I am going to do everything in my power NOT to purge. Even if it means I have to end up standing in the street and shouting at the top of the lungs I'M A BI SISSY CROSSDRESSER WHO WANTS TO BE A GIRL AND IF YOU DON"T LIKE IT YOU CAN KISS MY ASS WORLD! lol. Of course I don't mean that literally but you get the picture I think.
I know 100% it was fear and panic. I was afraid of who I was becoming and the thought of not actually becoming that person but rather have been that person all along and I was also afraid of the reprocussions of other people finding out about that part of me and my secrets. It was just a build up of stress and anxiety that caused me delete the evidence and build up emotional walls to protect myself. Honestly, between now and my last purge is when I realized that I this isn't something I'm becoming but rather that I've becoming to understand who I already am. This has been a part of me for a long time but I always denied the truth about it and would shrug it off as just a fantasy. I realize now that it is a part of me and that I have the choice to act on that in any fashion I desire, whether that's by embracing it or shunning it. I've chosen to embrace it. The hard part is making myself stick ot it in the tough spots.
Again I think we all do that though I'm happy to say that at least here in UK its more common to see younger people mixing and matching gender specific clothing together. Gender bending as we used to call it is coming back yay.
I'm still quite new to this site and it's so nice to read threads like this and know that other people like me actually exist. I've never fully purged because I've always felt that it wouldn't resolve anything. I have had the urge to purge though, and have almost done it several times, but like some of the other posters here I don't really get the desire to purge anymore. I've instead accepted that this is part of who I am, and I am now trying to be more open about my feminine side. Gender is not binary, it's ok to be feminine - fuck the haters.
Fuck the haters! lol I couldn't have said it better myself!
I used to do it a lot.. not really destroying -my- stuff as i used to always used my girlfriends' (or sister's / mom's going back to my childhood)
My 'purges' were more about trying to get "her" out of my head. I would have these quite angry sessions of abusing myself.. "he" would drink and take drugs to stop "her" from appearing and "she" would hurt herself down there so there would be no masturbation to remove "her" again and feel that rush of guilt, fear and loathing.
Each time i purged "she" came back stronger and stronger.. and angrier.
I can tell you purging -yourself- and tearing yourself apart is not a good place to be.
Took me a long time and a night of almost OD-ing to realise and accept "she" was simply a big part of me. She is me. He is me.
That's all it needed some self acceptance. An odd form of balancing self-love... a symbiance if you will.
I am now on the point in accepting my female side.
Still hidden from family. Lot of fun in the open world
I totally agree Jade, since telling my close friends i am pretty much out of the closet here. Having people you trust for support and friendship is essential in my opinion (especially if there is more to it than a sexual fetish)
Family back home are still in the dark too... but that is more for their peice of mind than mine.
Plus they will just pitty me and treat me like i am ill which tbh, i would prefer their anger.
In my opinion you only need to tell those who you know it won't hurt. That's just me. Caring Jade lol . I don't want to hurt some people so I don't tell em out of love. Parents family close freinds. Others I tell because they are more accepting and as I'm discovering just a bit fluid on the gender spectrum themselves. I feel blessed. But I'm getting older now and I guess you get to a point in life where angst is a bore. At work I love my job and theres no need to be girly even for the girl girls so its not an issue and the job pays for panties lol.
I purged once when I was pretty early in my crossdressing, i only had like 4 pairs of panties so it wasnt a huge set back but looking back i wish i had just put them away somewhere for a while instead of actually tossing them out. Like others have already said my sissy urges definitely were stronger when I started dressing again. Since then I have wanted to purge a handful of times but instead I would put my sissy things in the back of my shed where no one would find them and just give myself a break from dressing for a little while. Even doing that would make my sissy urges stronger once i decided to bring my things back in the house.
I recently did too i understand why i do it but it doesnt make it any less sad when i come back to my sissy side. But it does make shopping for new things so much more fun, every time i come back i feel wiser and smarter. Things like makeup used to drive me insane but now i know right what i want when i get to the store! So losing everything stinks but i have to at least try to look at the brightside hehe i should just listen better when everyone says "youll be back" they're right!
Like the other gurls said, i think we all purged once, twice, maybe more, learning that urges came back, the purges grew shorter and finally you kind of accept that this is who you are. If i knew who i was in my 20s, i would have been quite a sissy back then instead of burying the urges and wondering what was wrong with me and why i wasn't a stud.
I have purged too, more than a couple of times, and I have learnt that purging just wastes money and time of not being your true self. I no longer buy cheap and disposable items, I now buy well made or custom fit clothing so that I don't feel cheap in what I wear. I have regretted throwing away some items of clothing from my past as they were special to me and brought back fond memories when I wore them or made me feel supper sissy. A suitcase is the best idea when you get the urge to purge as "out of sight, out of mind" does tend to work and when you pull out that special item and wear it again the feeling is multiplied like others have mentioned. All I know now is to be yourself and live your life, don't act in another persons world as a player of their reality show.
ooh I bet those were expensive. I've used them in makeover shoots but Jade is a flatty most days lol.
I also have purged....once! It was years ago and not that big of a collection. Of course I came back to it shortly thereafter and certainly regretted losing some pretty things. I am too cheap to do it again LOL!
I have NEVER heard of a sissy escaping! Not even a casual crossdresser can escape as far as I can tell. For me, there is CERTAINLY no escape! I do not want to escape, I want/need to go deeper! I am now FINALLY very close to full time as the girl I truly am. Save your pretty things is my advice!
Absolutely you are what you are and at some point comes acceptance hopefully. Where ever you sit on the line. Me I race up and down it lol.
I think purging is part of the journey of acceptance. We don't all sit in binary genders and science and the world at large is starting to recognise this. Binary gender norms are culture specific. In western Judeo Christian culture and in Islam they have been set in stone by religious doctrine and hundreds of years of enforcement but that's beginning to crack yay. I don't want to be just a girl or just a boy I like being who I am a bit of both and whilst I don't let freinds and family know I explore the gender spectrum because quite frankly I'm not sure in the circles I happily mix they'd get it too well and why spoil a good thing? My most significant partner in life does know and thankfully I chose well as she doesn't exactly fit the gender binary stereotype herself. Its all about coming to acceptance and saying to hell with what the world says do your thang. It takes a while to get there but when you do its a better place. ...... phew I must be a brunette today lol
It just took a lot of these "mental purges" to make my inner girl so pissed off she finally started taking over more and more until i simply had to accept i am mentally largely female.
Agreed. I think for new it was more a fear that i was turning into some sort of freak. I grew up in a pretty conservative, religious (catholic school) and military influenced childhood. Where anything to do with gender/sexual orientations were considered a mental illness or somehow dirty.
As a child it was easy to accept myself.. that is until my environment taught me it was not "normal". If i could have just naturally been however i wanted who knows, but i certainly would not have become anywhere near as unstable as i was in my 20s and teen years.
I did many times... Especially when I was younger having a feminine side is really scary sometimes, especially where I live it is extremely frowned upon. Now I have a feminine side and I support it a lot more but still sometimes I get scared and there is the possibility for a purge... I think moving somewhere where there are more people like us I would be less likely to do that or finding someone who would like to foster a friendship with my feminine side.
As a closeted married sissy, I have purged on many occasions. I get almost an inner sense that starts to overwhelm me that I am about to get caught. The most recent, I didn't listen and in a way got caught.
Last February, I had bought a new skirt...a school girl type skirt, and as soon as I got it back to work I had to put it on. So I got out some panties (I hide my stuff at work) and a bra...no one was there at the time, and I took some quick pics and uploaded them. (see attached) I quickly undressed and went about my work.
Next morning...my wife wakes me up and confronts me with the Pics...
I was devastated. We had a talk. I told her I had bought it for her...and was soooo horny seeing it I wanted to get a look at what it would look like.
Not sure she bought that, but she let it go in time.
Immediately...I purged. Everything I had. I was determined to not be that way anymore.
But my lust for panties began again. And soon I had to put on a pair...
And here I am, a part time sissy, who vacillates between being my wife's lover and wanting to know how it feels to be fucked hard...
Who knows how long I will feel safe this time.
Well if i was your wife i would be all like... so! I hope you are gonna wear that ALL the time around me!
It is always a tricky one with gf/wife who has no idea. Since my ex, i always tell outright (at least that i am a XDresser, even though there is more in the closet... but i have found it is both an ice breaker and an attractant if done in a fun and positive way (as opposed to mortal-shame))
My current squeeze has no problem with it at all, in fact she encourages it!.
I think the key is being honest from the start.. kinda hard when you get your epiphany after you get together.
My ex who i thought I could never tell and suffered my moodswings when i was "battling myself" has surprised me too with "why did you not tell me when we were together!!"
Obviously people are different, but it is food for thought.
This sounds so much like me. I have been cross dressing in the closet since perhaps later elementary, early middle school. Started with my moms stuff, then went to my cousin's clothes. I had a few items in college, but I think I hid or purged them when I moved in with my girlfriend at the time, current wife now. I started a new collection and got caught. I think I told her the stuff was for her but ended up throwing it out. She bought it, but I think I got some of the toys out the trash and kept them for myself until we moved again. I have a few pairs of panties, some toys, and I now wear her clothes. She still has no idea though. I think every time I purge, my urges come back stronger.
Been there done that a few times in the past. I've sold stuff on * eBay in the past as a way to replace a few items.
* These days I don't brother with eBay due to high shipping rates in Canada. No mater how I pack it to get the lowest rate for a "would be" buyer(s) the rates are still high and the buyer say no thanks! Time waster so I give to the Goodwill bin as its less stressful and I can get on with life!
I had a whole chest of clothes and toys of all kinds. Probably like 50 items total. Dumped it into a black trash bag, brought it down to the park on the corner and dumped it into the public trash can there.
It was about five years ago and I redoubled my efforts to be a sissy since then. Now I have even more toys and clothes. Unfortunately I am moving in with my gf (who doesnt know I am a huge closet sissy) and will most likely have to do it again. For good this time
And I wonder why I stay single till the right girl come into my life and wants me to be him or her the odd day! One can only dream!
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